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Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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| Subject: | restart |
| Time: | 5:21 am. |
| Mood: |  content. | | Music: | think its student televison srtv... druggies. |
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think i'ma start this up agian. kinda sad how everyone went over to xanga and everything. just goes to show the domination of this damnation we live in.
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Thursday, April 10th, 2003
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| Time: | 3:52 am. |
| Mood: |  restless. | | Music: | queens of the stone age - no one knows. |
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today was out of sync. i was in that tired, drone mood. i've been doing more and more shit each day. couldn't keep food down all day still, couldn't sleep. met some1 from claremont high, tasha LAI, haha, no, we can't be related, i checked. she's going to marshal as well. weird. i worked on my physics lab, ya know, its actually not that hard. all you have to do is read. wow, wat an insight. i dunno wat to do til school starts.. thinking about napping, but i hate that pre-sleep thinking stage. ya know.. ppl have been comming up to me saying i look like southstar from smilez&southstar. do i really? maybe if i shaved my head again. had a lot to think about, concluded that i'm too tired. getting to old for everything... i want more shit. whooew. oh yea, found out that i can't go to ucsd for admit day.. got that dance thing for taste of la. sigh.. dancing in the hot sun, how fun.
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slept in.. or at least tried to. met up with a friend i met at sat class my sophmore year. she brought along her friend that was going to attend the same college as me. but before they arrived, i was just waiting and got a call from a girl i haven't heard from in.. months. she was sitting not far from me and i went to join her for about 10 min. anyways, shes thinking about attending either ucla or ucb. she has changed.. her looks. it wasn't just the haircut, but she lost her innocence. i use to love talking to her because there was that ease of flow.. but for some reason, today we lost that. anyways, spent the rest of the time at quickly's talking to the old friend and her friend.. then walked around. and drove home. at a steady 151lbs. sigh, so hard to look good. my diet is slowly getting there.. too slow tho.
today's eats : dim-sum chicken wrapped in bamboo leaves. grapes. milk pudding tea. and a bowl of seaweed/egg soup.
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Saturday, April 5th, 2003
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i turn to you cus i am running out of places to turn.. wat ever happened to all those ppl that use to tell me that they would always be there for me? were they just lines tossed out as commonly as the pharse "i love you"? i guess so for i find myself once again.. alone.
i don't intend to pour everything out, but i have to say, things aren't quite as i had imagined. life was never meant to be easy, especially trying to forget those that mean the most...
i started off this year honestly hoping to just cruise on by. with no drama, nor attachments.. gosh did things turn out differently. you always told me things happen because thats the way they were meant to be.. not because it may be right or wrong.. or if they were wanted or not.. it just happens. i never wanted anything to happen, tho it did.. you told me stories of your past that hurt you as well as touched me. i spent my days in neither bliss nor of rememberance.. days would just pass.. days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months.. then when i was finally confident you would always be there.. here i am alone typing my thoughts online...gosh it sucks to be alone.
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Wednesday, December 25th, 2002
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i greet with pleasent intentions of a great holiday. tho its not the most wonderful time of the year.
i'm getting behind with college applications, gotta do them quick. didn't get much for christmas. but its the season to give, not receive right? tho time spent on gifts should be equal.. i'm talking about the recipiants.
anyways, i think i'm getting old. i get tired to easily plus i need frequent naps.
canker sores are NOT cantageous. flo looked it up... i wonder why. think she's had too much eggnog and spent too much time under the mistletoe.
not doing much this holiday. got a nice wake-up call from taiwan this morning tho :D gosh i miss her.
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Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
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| Subject: | tired |
| Time: | 12:18 am. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | norman brown - that's the way love goes. |
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didn't sleep last night. so i hope to make up for it tonight. at least i got my seinor project turned in. oh, and i did get to see the meteor shower.. i was talking to my mom about it and she brought up the boy band f4... i had dinner with one of the members before and i didn't even kno.. appearently my dad's friend george is the father of one of them, and i had dinner with him last summer.. how weird.
i really hate college applications.. dang they are so long and tedious.. i better get accepted into someplace decent.
shopping is something i really miss doing, i've been so broke lately that i haven't gone shopping in months.. literally.. maybe the last time was in the beginning of summer.. probably.
does any1 want to clean my room? i'll be your friend :D
it just seems so messy and bleh. maybe i'll get to it over winter break.
lucky to have found you.
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Monday, November 18th, 2002
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| Subject: | booo |
| Time: | 10:25 pm. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. | | Music: | jeff golub - do it again. |
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today was kind of a bleh. i hate the sub for econ. i've had him before, he's suck a dick. i had to cram the whole 8 question response questions cus they were due by the end of the period.. so he says, when they are supose to be due tomorrow.
rough draft is due tomorrow for seinor project.. thats 8-10 pages of text.. i think i'ma start in an hour or so..
i really like this radio station. 94.7 the wave. its actually really calming :D i think i'm getting to the whole jazz scene. too bad i don't have great rythm.
i'm conteplating on whether my car is worth mods. if i do go to an east coast college, then i'ma sell the car.. if i'ma attend a uc, then yes to mods.. so i dunno yet... but the sound of a sr20det engine always sounds good no matter where i go.
there are some ppl that just makes me feel inferior to talk to. it really peeves me, but eh. oh well. i'm entitled to be myself, no matter how horrible or immature it may be to their taste. just never categorize me as some asian slacker/thug. cus thats something i'm far from. just refer to me as "ming" and nothing else.. and never try to explain who i am.. rather, just tag with me and find out yourself. thats the best way i think.
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Sunday, November 17th, 2002
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very bleh weekend. i didn't get to see my gf cus both of us are busy with homework and such. spent sat at starbucks with hannah. she's funnny :D but i think i see her way too much.. we have 5 classes together plus engineering this year.
took kyle to aqmd headquarters today for his seinor project.. haha, he now has over 800 pages of emission laws to read through.
i really miss some of my friends.. and they don't even know it.
i hate this time of the year. winter pisses me off. damn you.
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Thursday, November 14th, 2002
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life is full of quirkiness..
found a pack of LO-VISION playing cards.. for drunks.
i still need a new cell face plate.. mine has a huge crack thru it.. thats what happens when you don't watch where you walk :P
made a clay replica of venus de milo for a friend.. her breasts ended up being C's or even D's rather than B's.. wonder how that happened :D
i hate getting meaningless mail. they keep on pestering me with ads and such. no, i don't need to buy glasses and no i haven' even heard of joe's pizza, much less would i care to try it... unless they deliver.
i am a deist... not athiest.
just saw santa clause 2. it wasn't that bad.. very predictable.. but keeps the christmas spirit alive :D would've been better if he had more gadgets tho.
anyways, homework awaits.. tally ho~!
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Thursday, October 3rd, 2002
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| Subject: | 2 topics |
| Time: | 1:57 am. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | letters to cleo - cruel to be kind.. |
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i know, that you know. this feeling that we all trap within ourselves will consume us. life maybe a little chaotic at times, the reasonable thing is to charge it head on. try to tame the beast. but its wrong. ever try to be crazy and follow where it might lead you? ever get tired of trying to do the reasonable, the sensable thing? can't anyone break free and just.. be themselves. free of judgement, free of impression. just.. free? not when every1 around you already has your role fixated. i propose that the united states should do the same thing people in new zealand have been doing. move. yes, move every three years, just pack up and change. start a new. because if you settle down, you'll begin to think that is wats best for you. because you never experienced wat else is out there.
totally different topic.
have you ever thought how come the male has always been so attracted to the female? ever wondered why? males are drawn to women, and there isn't much we can do about it. god has gave them all the weapons for sexual warefare. the female breast is made of three concentric cirles, which represent a bullseye. even their panties are shapes as a triangle that forms an arrowhead pointing downwards. i find it so unfair. a girl has the ability to turn any guy on with just the slightest touch, yet males have to work, study, and experiment just to be able to vaguely comprehend where to even touch a woman. women are always in control. all males play the submissive role. that is because we have always put ourselves into such roles. men are manipulated by their whines and the way a girl is able to control you wil their stares. i don't understand when ppl say they are with their mates because of the feeling. i say bull shit. if you are not able to say the reason, its nothing but lust. pure animal lust. and that will end in disaster. the majority of the population are used and permescuous. just last night i was on the phone with a whore who has been that way since middle school. 4 fingers wasn't even enough for her anymore. wats sad is that she's not uncommon anymore. this is reality. as much as we wish to believe that our school is full of virgins and taunts. it is not. literally any male on this planet is willing to screw any female who they find attractive at a moments notice anywhere, anytime. they will not care about personality nor past. isn't that disturbing? wats worse is that females are using this against males. they manipulate us. they know males are able to be tamed and they are doing so whether we know it or not.
i may have many errors in my entry in more ways than one. often contradicting myself. but this is my journal and i type without stop for each entry.
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Wednesday, September 18th, 2002
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| Subject: | return |
| Time: | 1:32 am. |
| Mood: |  frustrated. | | Music: | something for kate - photograph. |
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haven't made anything public in a while. not much to state i guess. school isn't that great. too many classes and with college applications, it's gonna get hectic. this summer has been decent i guess. wasn't so much as wasted time, but i could've found better ways to spend it. had a henna done.. its fading away. ironically so is the social life i had this summer. guess every1 now faces reality.
still single, not surprisingly. i think i'ma take a while off and regather myself. kinda lost a lot this summer. i'm actually determined for once to grow out my hair. now no1 cares enough to complain. i stopped working out too.. a few weeks before school began. i can tell i gained a lot of weight in the past few weeks of idling... "there are many other fishes in the ocean"... but what if none of them are biting? then how does that work out? so many cliches have conditions that follow them that are never stated. maybe thats wat keeps the meaning so universal.
been flipping through a lot of fashion magazines and catalogs in the past few weeks. i want to go shopping.. how could i be this broke? makes no sense to me. ever wonder how life would be if everyone thought rationally rather than emotionally? gosh things would be different. it would eliminate all the mistakes caused by thoughtlessness. no more doing things on the spurr of the moment. girls wouldn't go for guys based on feelings but rather the guys' estimated net worth and father abilities. guys wouldn't go for girls based on who has the largest chest but rather who would be wise enought to compete in the world providing a source of income or know how to run a household. life would be based on statistics and ran in accordance to predicted outcomes. not as many erratic judgements. but, is this better than a world ran by pure feelings? behind every trailer trash of a man is a trailer trash ho. think about this.. haven't you noticed how many decent girls are going for dicks who never change? wat is that based upon? i don't find love in a relationship like that. wat do i find? misery. yet the girl refuses to move on. some people just can't cut their loses and move on. i kno it may be hard. i've had to do so many times. but its usually better than sticking it out to find there's nothing left and too late to change....
gosh. i want peace.
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Thursday, August 8th, 2002
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sigh... life goes on. you have your good times, and you have your bad times... and your bad times.. and they continue.. on and on.
every1 is pressuring me to major in buisness.. saying i have "people skills" psh, yea right, just be glad i don't puch some1 out when mad. sorry, guess i'm just in a rotten mood. i just feel that life is just so unfair. i really hate it. and yes, i use the word hate. i kno its such a harsh word. but i mean it. i kno life has its good points and its bad points.. but i'm not so sure the good outweighs the bad.. or even makes up for it.. and if there isn't fun in life..then wats the point of living it right? no, i'm not getting suicidal... just wondering if doing the right thing is always the best thing. if i could wish for anything.. anything at all.. i would want a cold heart. be emotionless. then life would be easy. no regrets.. no worries no nothing. and since sorrow already outweights laughter in my life. its ok that i don't live with laughter, because there will be no sorrow and i won't even miss it since i'm not even sure wat it is.
i want to gorge without worry.
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Thursday, August 1st, 2002
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| Time: | 1:51 am. |
| Mood: | uncomfortable. | | Music: | kettel - not gonna get. |
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i think most of my future college plans have been layed out.. hope to major in art history while volunteering part time at a museum. and if i don't get a museum job... i might end up a teacher? *shudders* oh well. yea, sounds like a waste i kno. but common, do you honestly think i'ma going to major in engineering/buisness/doctor/lawyer like every other asian? screw that. i can't take that kind of ish. the closest thing i'll do to those is MAYBE psychology.. civil sounds decent. but competative nontheless. same goes with architecture. i was set on interior design, but i'm not gay, and many clients wont trust my taste :x hum... oh well, i'll see. con artist? maybe.
like my choice in music? bet its something none of you have heard. i've been into soft jazz and wat is called "acid". its a new vibe. i like it :D a nice hiatus from all that hip hop and r&b stuff. sometimes the most communicative songs are the ones with only melodies.
i'm starting to lose the confidence i had in myself, things seem to be falling apart. i'm running out of ideas, sigh.
things on my agenda..
1. clean room
a. clothing in closet
b. papers off floor. (buy racks-ikea)
c. vacuum
d. decorate (visit z-gallery again)
2. study
a. hit barnes and nobles :D
3. wash car.
a. right wing
b. left wing
c. rims
d. interior floor
e. leather treatment
4. BURN CDs
1. acid tunes
2. jazz tunes
3. alternatives
i think thats about all i have to say. good-bye
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beat out the pain,
feel the sorrow,
but never the gain.
i hate the ways,
the world-this game,
they all seem to fake.
i want to take-
the easy way.
take me out of the game,
i want to leave these harsh ways...
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wats up live journal. i haven't really made any public entries in the longest time i kno. everytime i start on an entry.. i end up with to many personal info, so i either deleted them or made them private. so, wat have i been doing in my life? well. i'm trying to get a deal on a surfboard. this guy wants to sell it to me for $60~! can you beleive that? wow. i sure hope i get it. *cross fingers* i guess a lot has happened, but i dunno where to start. i'm starting to get rather big headed about my driving skills. i kno it's not a good thing, it'll lead to accidents so i'm trying to tone it down. haha, it has been confirmed, my room is a mess worse than wat any1 has ever seen. if you don't believe me, just ask around. it gets worse everyday. i went on a shopping spree a while back. got myself a whole ton of stuff.. upped my backpack collection to the double digits :D and it's still going strong. got some while polo shoes.. i'ma go buy some nonames from target when i have time for $5~! haha. canvas all the way~!. i really don't understand most of the violence that happens in this world. we should all just have a drink and just smile :D hey, if one person starts to smile, it'll pass on. it's contageious ya kno. *wink* i guess this is wat i'ma state for now. more soon to follow tho~! :D
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Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
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| Time: | 2:07 am. |
| Mood: | blah. | | Music: | dirty vegas - days go by. |
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have you seen the music video for this song? dirty vegas - days go by? it's so sad in a way. sigh... but still, nothing compares to kiss - beacuse i'ma girl. thats the ultimate tear song. so many things these days are so depressing. it's like.. so sweet, yet so sad. our society seems to thrive on this since they keep on producing such works. peeves me how it deminishes all other subtle forms of romance.
went to beverly center today. so many gays around.. really surprised me. dolce and gabanna has some really nice stuff~! and some of the deisel bags looked nice.. but i didn't stick around cus the sales clerk was looking at me funny.. ugh. bought myself a simple khaki color shirt from banana.. looks all summerish.. but i dunno if it's my style. i often question my taste in clothing.. it's beginning to get extereme for a high skooler. i hate it when the store clerks look at me all funny just cus i'm not dressed up to par. khaki shorts and a plain blue tee is prefectly fine to me. i don't need all those namers advertised all over my clothing.
montery park has so many fobs~! i was cruisin around at 11ish and went to shiao may for taiwanese icee.. dang.. fob central. it was packed~! some pretty cute girls too :D oh, that "alpha female" girl from kansas.. she's visiting in august. weird. she actually thinks i kick it with engineering ppl outside of skool.
i have so much to say.. but dunno how to say anything.. :x
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i just want to apologize if i scared any1 with my entries, its just.. i guess i have a lot of emotion in me. i tend to care too much that it hurts. life was never meant to be easy, but i never thought it would turn out to be this hard.
yes it's true you gotta be strong
gotta keep going
gotta stay strong
don't fall
it'll all end one day
we can all go ball it
we can all go kick it
til then, we gotta keep on going fwd
sigh.. hard to move forward at times huh?
have you ever wondered how blissful it would be to be ignorant? i often wonder who has the better life.. a hermit that has been alone all his life or a man that has lived. to live, is to feel. to feel, is to have felt pain. while the loner has never felt the joys, nor the pain. so is it really better to have "live" and "fall" than to have never lived? i want to kno the answer to that. if you think about it.. there is no pain if you dunno wat pain is. and all you kno is the simplicity and joy of breathing. sigh...
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you kno wat my opinion of high skool is? the biggest bull shit ever conceived by man. i seriously wouldn't mind nuking the world right now. i kno i'd be destroying the good too, but thats a loss i'm willing to take. as long as i get rid of all the assholes. i've already been convicted of murder once, so fuck it, why not just do it out in the open. chances are, i can get away with it. since i seem to get away with so much. you kno wat i want to do? give out a compency test. and kill of every1 that fails.. including the ppl i don't like. that would be the best. actually, no. i want the ppl that don't pass to feel so bad that they kill themselves. gosh, that would be the day. having all the ppl that i hate just walk out into the street and stab themselves to death.
if any1 out there wants any advice from me. thats to never get attached to anyone or anything. cus fuck, it's gonna hurt. have your heart stone cold. that way life will be easy. it'll be easier to squash all that come in the way. cus it's fuckin hard to ruin ppl once you get attached. fuck it's hard. but eh. anything is possible. i think i've been to passive for too long. time to take action. be a jerk and reclaim myself. cus seriously. fuck, it seems as tho this world is just full of idiots and liars. watch your back.. they are everywhere.
my parents made a mistake.. they kept me alive. i'm tring to fix their mistake however. i haven't really eaten in a while. had a bag of chips today.. threw it up once i got home. i can't take all that sodium and ish. i think i need sleep, but i don't want es]t k,mo5yjimy mind to wonder. so rather, i'm just gonna stay up or some ish. there has to be a way to modify dreams with right?
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| Time: | 5:22 am. |
| Mood: |  awake. | | Music: | ashley ballard - don't get lost in the crowd. |
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i haven't updated lately mostly because i haven't found the time. everything has been rather hectic lately. still have engineering, key club, skool is still going on. and not i also have night classes at rio hondo.. and thats almost a 5 hour class. sigh. oh well. the things we do for college. oh, i don't have aol anymore. i can't afford everything.. cable, aol, and own phone line. plus my car eats away at every dollar i get. i haven't slept much lately. but i guess that isn't bad. ever since i donated blood, i haven't gained the weight back. is that good? i'm not sure. i haven't even had much time to eat lately. kinda sad huh? i wonder where all my time goes. my sunburn is going away.. it's almost completely peeled off. thats good i guess. oh, i made it into this junior honor guard ish. i didn't even kno there was a meeting on wed. good thing the teacher still let me stay in. how tall am i? they asked for my height. i just put down 5'9. but i think i may be 5'10ish or more. i plan on getting a hair cut today after skool, wonder how that'll turn out. i havent had one in a while... monthish maybe? no.. has to be longer. i forget. i have some pictures of myself that i want to put up on my livejournal, but i haven't gotten around in doing that yet. i gotta remember. gosh i feel so out of shape. since i came back from kansas, i haven't even lifted a finger, much less gone jogging. i don't have the time for that anymore. so sad. the seinors' last day was yesterday. it's gonne be weird next year. every1's leaving. wonder how i'ma survive skool. i seriously need to find a crowd. but our skool has such a lack of diversity. for asians. it's either the band, band-groupies, the wannbe ballers or wannabe thugs. not much of a choice there. maybe i'll just keep to myself. summer still seems so far away. eventho it's only 5 skool days away. you kno wat? i think i have a very short temper. thats not a good thing at all. but i lose my patience easily and i get annoyed even more easily. but good thing i'm not a person of action.. when i get angry.. i don't usually do much. i try to let it pass. alright, i think thats enough to state for now. bye
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ming_2pt0's journal
cold.
artistic.